I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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