Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
id be glad to
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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