I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
