i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
