my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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