I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
