If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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