the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
