Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
