It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
