I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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