Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
