God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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