Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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