it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
