At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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