Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
