What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
