Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
