Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
