Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
