Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
