On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
