Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
