I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
