i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's shark week go big or go home
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
