If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
