he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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