Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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