New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
