i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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