what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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