he shaved USA in his pubs
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
