Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
