He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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