Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
