There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
