Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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