to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
