Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
