my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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