I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
