and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
my liver is dry heaving
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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