Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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