I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
