Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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