I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
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Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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