I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
