Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
