Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
