he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
that is very illegal...i love you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
