btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
