Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
