You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
