So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
