i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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