Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
