Tell her she can't have a vagina
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
