ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
