Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
