if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
