Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize