Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
