I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
