haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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