I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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