that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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