Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
