i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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